“Likes”

My mom and I have an Instagram account for our dolls. Yes, we are adults. Yes, we play with dolls. Yes, it’s awesome. What I discovered through this is that there is a whole world of doll accounts on Instagram. FYI: People do very weird and wonderful things with their dolls and it’s dope. However, what started out as some fun shit to do actually became a source of an unanticipated obsession: the number of “likes” on my photos. And unfortunately, this obsession began to affect how I viewed my own pictures.

It all started with this picture. This was one of a set that I took while I was in Venice Beach, California.

 

 

I liked all of the pictures I posted. There was just something about this picture in particular that made me really want to post it. BUT THEN when I posted it, it was one of the pictures that got the fewest likes. When I saw that no one really liked my picture I got DEEP in my feelings and started questioning everything.

– Why don’t they like it?

– Do I not know how to curate my own photos?

– What’s wrong with my pensive AF doll photo?

 

Then I looked at the picture again and found everything that was wrong with it. In the end, I had a whole list:

– I could have done something more interesting with the composition.

– The cropping is kind of weird.

– It would have been nicer to see more of the graffiti wall.

Even though it wasn’t perfect, I liked the picture when I posted it. But then the lack of likes made me stop liking it. How ridiculous! The arbitrary feedback I received from random Internet people affected my whole view of my picture. With later posts, the more “likes” I received, the better I felt about the pictures I posted. I started interpreting “likes” as an in-depth critique of my work when in reality, Instagram is absolutely not that serious.

Basically, I had the makings of a complex even though this doll Instagram account is a relatively low stakes endeavor and we only have like 20 followers. I can only imagine how it must be for artists who are actually making a living from their art. How do they maintain the balance between what they are passionate about and what sells? How often does self-expression and salability truly overlap? What an enormous amount of pressure!

The good news is that I have gotten over my habit of conflating number of “likes” with actual critique. One thing that helped was getting more confident my pictures. Over these past few months I have taken pictures I am actually really proud of. So, even if it doesn’t get as big of a response, I know my picture is dope and something that I enjoy looking at.

I also noticed how some of the pictures that got a bigger response were pictures that I didn’t necessarily agree were the best. This picture has the distinction of being the most “liked” photo on our account.

 

 

In my opinion, this is not even the best picture I posted that day. I like this one better.

 

Don’t get me wrong, I definitely still start to feel myself a little bit when there is a positive response to my posts. I also still get a little salty when a picture I really like doesn’t get as big of a response. BUT the difference now is that my opinion of my own photo doesn’t change based on something so arbitrary. It is important to me that I maintain a sense of my own ideas and how I want to express them. I don’t want to lose my creative point of view especially over something so random (but still kinda gratifying) as an Instagram “like.”