In addition to my projects that make it on this blog there are many little in-between paintings that are more experimental. Often, I end up dissatisfied with the end result, but these paintings are the explorations that allow me to improve and create the pieces that I’m most proud of. They’re the necessary test studies, the sometimes ugly, often bizarre results of sheer spontaneity (what happens if I try this?!).
I’ve been more active on Instagram lately, sharing more of my day-to-day creations and finding new artists to inspire me. Along with the positives, this increase in time spent on Instagram has also brought up stronger self-criticism and doubt (Claire wrote a great piece on her own Instagram angst). It’s hard for me to share artwork that I feel isn’t amazing, especially when I see the SPECTACULAR works put out there by professional artists. It’s of course remedial to compare myself with anyone who’s spent years perfecting a craft, but if I’m not super aware of this comparing-habit the thoughts bubble up and put a cloud over the works that I create. Worse, it can inhibit my creativity when starting on a new blank page.
There’s no easy, quick fix for this fear and gloom that arises, only the hard slog of bringing negative patterns to light and attempting to spin gold out of all the shi–straw. So, today I’m sharing just a few of the many paintings that never made it on the blog, but without which I wouldn’t be where I am now.
When Claire and I started this blog we committed to sharing our creative steps–the good, the bad, and the ugly. This isn’t just a cliché ripped from a western. This is the heart and soul of our creative quest here: to push through the limiting, critical thoughts and create anyway, no matter what, compulsively. The final piece isn’t what’s key here, it’s the fact that I LOVE to watercolor. So, I’ll return again and again to appreciating the process, not just the end result.
Compulsive Creation 
Thanks for sharing, Jessie. You are making great progress. I have little to no experience with painting, but I have always thought that watercolor was so difficult because of the bleeding and mixing of colors that seems to be out of ones control. However, I also understand that once one has figured out how to control that, it becomes a tool. (The mixing of color). My favorite of your pictures here is the middle one. I don’t really know what it is – a sleeping creature in a froth of pink and gray – but I really like it.
It occurs to me that by using “the good, the bad, and the ugly” as a measure of your progress you have stacked the deck against yourselves. How about something like “the Ok, the good, the better, the best, and the ugly.” I like leaving ugly there because there is something visceral about ugly. Ultimately I suppose it should really be more about what you feel. I like it, I don’t, I can do better. Anyway, I’m glad that are enjoying the process and sharing it.
LikeLike
Yes Cindy, this blog is a bit of a double-edged sword: it keeps me creating, but it also requires that I keep putting my creations out there for others to see, and thus it brings me face-to-face over and over with my own critical side. Truly, I believe creation is for everyone, no matter the current skill level. That’s part of the reason I like to share some of these more somber times in my creative cycle, because everyone who does any art in any form experiences them, but we usually only see the finest and brightest moments shared. Thanks for all your engagement and support!
LikeLike